The biggest battles I face are in the inside of my own mind. Indecisiveness is like a disease for me. Making up my mind is an impossible task. It’s a constant struggle second guessing every action and word I take or say. A recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder explains it a little, and the medication is starting to help some, but when I want one thing one day and hate myself for even thinking about that the next, medication and labels are nothing.
My current self growth goal is to end the war within myself. I don’t want to be battling my own mind every minute of everyday. I want the freedom of being able to think and walk in peace.
Broke. If you were going to describe me with one word, the most accurate word over the past few months is that exactly; broke. Budgeting, enjoying all the free food to the fullest extent that I can, and choosing nights in over weekends out to save gas. Recently though, my boyfriend and I both got really good jobs. We’re finally starting to catch up again and with the help of my grandma being her usual generous self, we even had a little extra for the next two weeks.
Obviously that meant I had to spend it, so off E and I went to target. Sales on sales on sales later, my bathroom in my tiny little apartment now has a beautiful blue shower curtain that has “make waves” scrawled inspirationally across it. The floor and porcelain prince now have warm purple rugs, and there’s new towels, hand cloths, and a mango scented candle. A handful of cheap little changes, and suddenly, my whole home seems more warm and welcoming.
I’m more excited to spend time at home now than ever before and it’s all because target was having a sale on bathroom stuff. So that’s neat.
This was the caption of this photo. I cannot at all remember where this was, when this was, or where I got the cute little fella, but clearly, I was loving my life. That’s why I cherish photos and writing equally, because both parts are crucial to preserving memories. This memory is gone for now, and that’s honestly kind of sad.
It was with this thought in my mind, that I started pondering about all my forgotten adventures. While I realize it’s hard to remember things you don’t remember, I’m sure there are a ton and that’s mildly depressing/ kinda heartbreaking. For this reason, I vow to clearly and concisely preserve every wonderful, extraordinary memory I have as vividly as possible from here on out, to the best of my ability.
-on that note, I’m also emotional because I came home to visit my mother and my favorite gas station that has always been 24 hours was closed. Miss ya Bill and Scott. RIP
I realized recently that I really need to reconsider working on myself as a human. I have some major issues that are preventing me from living life to the fullest extent, so I’ve decided to publish a list of things I need to work on, and I intend to come back to this in a year and see how many of them I actually worked on enough to make substantial progress.
Here they are;
– decision making
-sticking with commitments
-doing what makes me happy
-doing what’s best for myself
There’s plenty more but those are the major issues. Someone remind me to check back at the end of the year.
Work as hard and well as you can, and I promise you the rewards will be significantly greater. Even if you have to miss out on a little bit of life here, you’ll get a bigger better part of life later. Just don’t let later ever be too far away. Ever.
Needless to say, I work in a few hours. I suppose I’m lucky though because I found a great job that pays well and as long as I focus and work hard it’s really a fun job to go to.