Don’t Bother

Making decisions is one of the things I’m just all around absolutely horrible at. The decision making process for me is more complicated than rocket science. I like to think it’s my anxiety and my bipolar disorder messing with my life, and that it’s not just me being bad at life, but truthfully, I don’t know. I don’t understand how my mind works, and that’s today’s message: you won’t ever understand my mind either, so don’t bother trying to. 

I’ve made a lot of good decisions in my life; starting my college career in Wayne, moving to Lincoln, getting close to certain people, etc., but I’ve also made a lot of bad choices. When the consequences come around, I often find myself wondering what in God’s good name I was doing or thinking, but that’s all I can do: wonder. I can spend days analyzing my actions or seconds dismissing them, but either way, I’ll never understand why I did what I did. During the process of making each decision, there’s a disconnect somewhere. 

So when I do something you don’t like, don’t bother trying to understand why I did it. Just hate me if you’re going to, or quit wasting your time worrying about it. When I do something that makes you happy, don’t bother wonderingn what made you so lucky, just accept it. Don’t bother with why. 

Chaos 

I am a tiny speck of sand in an hour glass. Everything is constantly changing and shifting around me. We’re all just waiting for it to be our turn and then finally, we fall, but as soon as we adjust to the new normal, everything is flipped upside and changing again. It’s complete chaos for me. But for you, it’s just time. It’s strange, isn’t it? That in order to comprehend the vast expanse of nothingness you need time to live a simplified, more concise life, but in order to do that you have to cause change for me? The tiny speck in the hour glass. What is simple for you is chaos to me and vice versa. Change is constant. Your choices change lives that aren’t just yours. Remember that. 

Purpose

There’s a difference between getting lost and being lost. That difference is purpose; it all has to do with purpose. Whether you are lost on purpose, whether you know your purpose, whether there even is a purpose… but getting lost on purpose makes you a wanderer and just being lost makes you normal. 

You create your own regality. I choose to live in a reality where every day is an adventure. I choose getting lost over being lost. I choose to be a warrior when my mind wants me to be a worrier. I choose the create my own happiness and spread it around as much as possible. 

Everyone is just a tiny speck of stardust on a little blue marble hurdling through space. Remember how small you are and how little your choices really matter. Don’t be too hard on yourself for your mistakes. Just remember to do whatever it is you do with purpose. Get lost on purpose. Wander aimlessly on purpose. Be a warrior on purpose. Purposefully create the reality you desire. 

History

My father raised me to acknowledge the past as if it were gold. Everything from the past is a small bit of our future. So I want to take a day out of my past an reminisce. 

This day was a day at the lake in Georgia. Who doesn’t matter. When doesn’t matter. All that matter is that this experience is a part of me. Even when you say goodbye to the biggest part of your life, it’s the mementoes that matter. What is was hurts but it’s nothinf compared to what it could be. 

With me, things are different. I’m crazy. I don’t know what I want. I lead people on without meaning to. I trust people I should. I do things I regret but there’s nothing I am do about it. I’m not strong enough. I do my bet hut sometime it’s not enough. 

My past is nothing. I am more. We never really know what we’re looking for. I am as mad as the wind and the sea. We know who we are but not who we may be. So be brave, be who you are. I know I’m bright, you, my dear, are a star. 

Time Traveler

I just found a quote on facebook that says, “One day I just woke up and realized that I can’t touch yesterday, so why was I letting it touch me?” So of course, my mind wanders to my past and everything that I’ve experienced so far in life. Then, I started pondering my current situation in life. I ended up thinking about m future and I realized, in my mind, I am a time traveler and I’m fascinated with the idea as to why.

“If you’re already bored of tomorrow, you need to do something different today.” Time overlaps, so when I try to travel forward sometimes I find myself in the present or even the past, which can’t be altered, at least to my knowledge. There’s the great idea of just living in the moment and embracing every minute as it passes, and I love that, but I feel as if with a little extra planning you can get much more out of life.

On another, mostly unrelated note, time does not exist. Dates, hours, seconds, they’re all made up units of measurement that humans concocted in order to help comprehend the vast endlessness that is life. There is no ‘right time’ or ‘wrong time’ because there is no such thing as time. There just is.

Thank You

Thank you for your wisdom and your insights. That you for calming my nerves. Thank you for reminding me how much my happiness changes the world. Thank you for making me feel like such a wonderful important person. Thank you for talking to me even if it’s about nothing. Thank you for trusting me with your secrets and life problems. Thank you for showing me cool music. Thank you for making me smile and for wanting to make me smile when I can’t. Thank you for wanting to be involved and for showing concern in my life. Thank you for everything. Thank you for you.