4:02 AM

Early mornings or late nights, whatever this is anymore, is a good time to think about big picture stuff, like trust and the future. It’s almost like you gain a new perspective just by being awake when nobody else really is. Given, halfway around the world everyone’s awake and Lincoln is still alive a little, even this late, but it still just seems like such a lonely hour. 

Once trust is broken, I get that it’s hard to earn back. What I don’t understand is how you’re supposed to gain trust other than just spending time not doing whatever it was that broke the trust in the first place. Time takes time, you know. Is there no other way to gain trust actively? I almost feel like in order to do so, there has to be the opportunity to make the right choice but if there’s no opportunities then where does it come from. So that sums up my opinion on gaining back broken trust. It takes time and opportunities. 

As far as the future goes, who freaking knows. I know what degree I want at this point, it’s just a matter of getting it. I failed my first class today, I think. Getting a degree is not as easy as getting a diploma, unfortunately and it is much easier to quit. Both of those things are really discouraging. So is my failed class. Note to self? Find ways to inspire self to do well in school and cling to those ways. 

Other things I find myself thinking about a lot at 4 am. The word empty. It’s such a sad word. It doesn’t even matter what it’s talking about; a garden, my gas tank, someone’s heart, anyone’s bank account… it’s just such a sad word. I try not to use it much, but it’s on my mind heavy this morning. 

On a brighter note, I bought a Michael Kors watch today. It’s still pretty in the early morning/end of the night. There’s always something to be happy about. 

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