Once upon a time, I was coming home from volleyball two-a-days, late one summer. As I pulled on to my dirt drive way, I spotted a snake consuming a bunch of eggs. Being the fearless human that I am, I went and shooed away the snake, then put all the eggs in a box and set the box on my 90 degree front porch. Thank goodness they weren’t snake eggs, looking back now, that would not have been good. Luckily, they were snapping turtle eggs, so I hatched 23 snapping turtles, and let 22 of them free into the creek near  my house. The one I kept, I named Poseidon.

Poseidon was definitely in my top five favorite pets I’ve ever had, and if you know me, you know I’ve had/have a lot of pets. He was the size of a quarter when he hatched, and he lived in a bucket with a cool rock in it. He seemed happy, he ate well, he would climb my fingers like a little ladder, and sit on my shoulder, hidden in my hair and watch Law and Order SVU with me. He never once snapped at me. He did once at my ex, but that was deserved. He was wiggling his finger right in front of his face. I’d bite, too. He was an amazing pet, and we were best buds.

Eventually he stopped growing, (turtles will only grow as big as their environment allows), so I got him an actual tank. As it turns out, turtles smell awful when they’re growing because of their shells. My mother, who happens to be a professional at giving MY pets away (which lowkey I understand because I’ve had a million) decided her friend Patrick, and his adorable son that I used to babysit needed Poseidon more than me. I agreed only because he did smell really bad, and because I adored Patrick and his son. So there’s today’s thought. I hope Patrick, his son, and Poseidon are doing well wherever they are, and snapping turtles make rad pets.


Good Vibes Only

A List of Things to Avoid if You’re Trying to Stay Positive

  1. Crazy Ex-wives who use you for your money.
  2. School if you’re not good at it.
  3. Toxic family members.
  4. Substances that you use as a crutch.
  5. People who enable you to be your worst you.
  6. Irrational thinking.
  7. Leaving your support system.

I’ll finish aftern less beers on another day..

When Mine and Yours Became Ours

Who knew that a key could symbolize so much? The day you gave me that key, everything between us was different. I wasn’t a second choice anymore, I was an only choice. Each of our dogs became OUR dogs. They became my boys. You became my boy. I went from one dog to two dogs, a boy, and a bird. And I couldn’t be happier. Now, all I have to do is train my boys. 😘

UPDATE: he was just another fuckboi and it’s just me and Prior again, thank goodness.

What Even Was Last Night

I’ll tell you what last night was: well deserved. Last night was fun and entertaining and spent with loved ones. Last night was the perfect night out. There’s not a single thing I would change about last night other than the damage done to my bank account. So about last night, be happy. Because it was all worth it.


Memories are bittersweet. What I wouldn’t give to go back to so many days, and relive them one more time, but obviously, that’s not possible. The best thing I can do is reminisce and hope that I have many days in the future of a similar caliber. I cling to things for way longer than I should, and today, it’s time to say goodbye to all my yesterdays.

Goodbye to my prior home. Goodbye to my old bad habit. Goodbye to my summer 4 am epiphanies. Goodbye to each of my yesterdays for what they were. Hello to my today, and I can’t wait for my tomorrows.


The thing about a flame is that the bigger it gets, the less steady it gets. Bigger flames are harder to control, and they flicker more. I like to think that’s why I’m so unstable. I’m a bigger fire, so I’m less steady and harder to control. I like to think I’m just flickering, not fading. But who really knows?

You can hold a lighter, or a match, or a lit cigarette and there will be a glow at the tips of your fingers. You can control that, you can have complete control over that. I like to think I’m too big of a fire to control like that. I’d rather be unstable and more than easily controlled and less.

Halloweekend 2016

This will forever be my favorite throwback, because in all the pictures for the next month I look super tough. Anyway, it’s always a good thing to touch on the importance of responsible drinking. That was the very last thing I was concerned about, though, Halloweekend of last year, and my face looked like this for a month as a result. Don’t blackout during the pregame, don’t mix alcohol and drugs, don’t let other people make your drinks, don’t let your drink go unsupervised at any point; there’s a lot of don’ts. Just don’t do them. They seem fun, but they’re almost always a bad idea. Have a DD. Pace yourself. If you fall down cement stairs, brace yourself. Be a good noodle, friends.